What Pets Write in Their Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog Food! My Favorite Thing!
9:30 am - A Car Ride! My Favorite Thing!
9:40 am - A Walk in the Park! My Favorite Thing!
10:30 am - Got Rubbed and Petted! My Favorite Thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My Favorite Thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the Yard! My Favorite Thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my Tail! My Favorite Thing!
5:00 pm - Milkbones! My Favorite Thing!
7:00 pm - Got to Play Ball! My Favorite Thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My Favorite Thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the Bed! My Favorite Thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...

"Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending remarks about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how I can use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell. So he is safe. For now..."

SRC: http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/226541/Pet+Diaries/